Holy Bikinis

I started going to strip clubs really late in life. In fact, I had never been in one until I lived in San Francisco, well into my twenties. Upon my glorious return to the Right Coast I learned that clubs in NJ/NY fall into one of two categories. They are either fully nude or bikini clubs, and if they serve booze they can only fall into the later category.

The trick is that full nude clubs are usually not really full nude. The extra lapdances are fully nude, but on stage they are mostly topless. Your only relief is that most of these spots are BYOB. The "B" is importnat, as you cannot bring hard alcohol. They inevitably have a rip-off joint selling overpriced beer next door, natch. Now, if I had to dream up an environment that fostered violence it would be pretty much JUST LIKE THIS. The owners know this, so they have all sorts of muscle lurking about and strict entrance policies. Leave your jacket and cell phone at the door and be prepared for a full search.

The last place I went was in Atlantic city and it was a shithole by any measure. The girls on stage barely moved. In fact, they actually had big leather chairs for the girls to sit on.

The bikini clubs, for the most part, aren't much better. The last one I went to was abyssmal. One of the ladies was standing at the edge of the stage COUNTING HER MONEY. Another was simply standing around YAWNING. I mean big, loud yawns. To make matters worse the stages are always behind the bar, so in order to get tips the dancers walk around to each patron and request tips when the shift is done. You really have to be an ass to stiff a stripper standing directly in front of you and speaking right to you.

The saving grace of any of these places is that it is cheap and easy to get treated like royalty. Apparently, folks out here ain't too big on gratuities. I recently went to a local shithole with an old friend. We tipped three dollars and two drinks and were treated like Trump the rest of the night.

So, strip clubs in NJ/NY are all shit. SF and Vegas have them dominated.

Back on the Hunt

So I am back in America living on the East Coast. I am now apartment hunting in NYC. I wish like hell I was apartment hunting in Tokyo or San Francisco. In fact, I will tell you that if you live in SF or Toke, then you should stay there. NY is a shithole and the people are crazy.

I have been swinging back and forth between Brooklyn and Manhattan. I have a feeling I will end up in Brooklyn. And I could care less about area some shitheel from LA thinks is cool.

It's nice that Craigslist blew up like it did. There might be a lot of Nigerians looking to send you bogus certified checks and Italians selling pimp-ass rides for way under value, but there are also a whole lot of fine folks. I only wish the Tokyo version was more... robust.

For now Craigslist is my only source. I have checked out a few other sites, but most are shitty agent sites that look like garbage, don't have good photos, and charge you money. Fuck all that. I will keep you updated as I go to my appointments.

I Know Someone Stole Her

This goes back almost a month, but I was thinking about it this morning as I watched a movie with a dog in it. I am pretty sure that someone stole my pitbull from the garage in The Bronx.

The dog showed up as a pup and I am pretty sure someone from our garage stole her from someone else. After all, dogs don't often just "show up". The other possibility is that someone in Hunts Point ditched her because she was not a good fighter. You could tell from day one that the dog used to get beat. If someone was planning on training a fighting pit, this was the wrong one. She was goofy, pleasant, and smart. Her whole demeanor was exactly what you don't want in a fighting dog. I don't know if she had a lot of heart because I never saw in any kind of taxing situation.

So she was a good dog, though she had a pretty ma ma name: Cassy. (She was found on Casanova Street.

Handsome as she was, I am pretty sure someone nabbed her on the street. She was always chasing shit, and once even jumped out the window of the pickup to get a rat. I don't really mind if someone stole her as long as she's doing well. She pretty much loved everyone who didn't hit her. My fear is that someone saw a pit,nabbed her, and then discovered that she was shit for that application. Then who knows.

Always Defend Yer Girl

I was just watching a silly movie and I recalled an episode from my college days. I was at a dinner party with my girlfriend. It was at an old friend of her's apartment and there were going to be many people from "their past" attending. (Most upper middle class white folks don't have a whole lot of "past" by the time they are 22, but whatever.) One of these folks was a dude who always wanted to be my girl's boyfriend. This is probably the worst man you can meet. Someone who knew your girl before you hooked up with her and always wanted to get with her. He's got history and the possibility of knowing secrets. A horrible combination.

At any rate, dude turned out to be an asshole. At one point he was talking about personal freedoms and said that he could just turn around and punch my girl. He said this to be the wildcard menace element at the party as much as to be the radical free thinker. If you've seen Rope by Hitchcock then you will know what I mean. To this day I know that I should have immediately slugged him. It would have satisfied my anger and been an interesting agreement to his ideas about freedom. Obviously, I did not punch him. I looked at my girl, who gave me a smirk that (I still think) meant: PLEASE DO NOT SLUG HIM. Who knows? I was too embarrassed to ever bring it up. I don't even think she would have known what I was talking about if I had. Of course, more terrifying would have been that she would have known exactly what I was talking about.

At any rate, should someone get out of line with your girl, especially if the circumstances are cloudy enough that the person could be pulling some bullshit, as was the case in my case, don't think twice.

WARNING: There is one situation where you might want to hold back and think about some sort of more clever approach. If your girl considers Mr. X to be sort of needy/picked on/unfairly delt a raw deal, then there is the chance that she will sympathize with him and go to his aid, or at least think about it. This is an absolute disaster. You have to make sure she will stand by your side as you stand by her's.

A Beast Among Beauties

This one goes hand-in-hand with the drunk report because it all happened during the same blur. It's kinda nice when you haven't seen people in a long time. Conversation is plentiful, there's lots of news, blah, blah, blah. One of the niceties is that you get to show folks how new and improved you are. Ha. I thought I had a pretty good stock of info to share. I had just moved back to America from Tokyo. I had lived in San Francisco for a long time. I am involved in some pretty interesting projects right now. Not bad overall. Unfortunately I shit all over that stuff by choosing the wrong kind of drunkiness for the night.

The shitty thing was that there was a woman there who I like very much. I am not saying that I had any kind of chance with her before Friday night, but I damn well know that I have no chance with her after Friday night. I played it all wrong. Granted it wasn't as bad as checking aces too far. I would say it was more like not pushing your small pair preflop and having 4-7 offsuit swoop in and take the pot.

I was a little too excited from the start on Friday, and unfortunately for person X, all of my vigor became steadily more focused on her. This is a totally smart, level-headed, literate, interesting person. By the end of the night I was probably talking about pitbulls and funny cars and shit like that. Sadly, she never left my crosshairs.

The one saving grace is that this person is sort of tough. She said she wasn't, but it seems to me that she is. In other words, if things got ugly I would have at least remembered a serious dressing down from her. I don't.

Once about six years ago something like this happened. I remember it very clearly. The next morning there was an extra element in the I-lost-my-cell-phone-and-the-cops-are-looking-for-me panic. I had done almost the same thing. Too cranked up from the start and completely dead set on a sort of apocolyptic drunkiness. That time, thankfully, I had overestimated my stupidity. (She actually became a girlfriend for a good while.) At the time, of course, I was sure I had a perfect recollection of my dumbness. This time, however, I think my estimation is pretty on the ball. There is a 35-minute window of lost time that is the problem area right now. I got everything up to it, and everything afterward, but a lot can happen in 35 minutes. And this little sliver could wind up being the determining factor.

We will see this week.

Different Drunks

Friday night I went out and got really, really drunk. Not the-cops-might-come-and-pick-me-up-for-something-I-forgot-about drunk, but rough drunk nonetheless. Saturday I woke up a little jittery, but strangely not very hung over. I realized that I had opted for a certain kind of drunkiness the night before. And I realized that there are different tyoes of drunks and different kinds of drunkiness.

I have been in Tokyo the last few months, where I pretty much stayed the course with a quiet kind of intoxication when I went out. I could drink all night, literally, and not get the least bit out of control. I might have 15 drinks but the ship was OK. Granted Japanese drinks are weak in most places, but at some point the amount of alcohol will catch you.

Friday I only had about 9-10 drinks I think. However, at some point early on in the evening some part of my brain decided that I would be unquiet. Uncalm. Unthinking. I believe that if I had stopped at 5-6 drinks the outcome would be the same. In other words, if on some level I had decided I was going to remain tranquil, the amount of alcohol wouldn't have mattered so much. (At some point, of course, basic chemistry trumps all and you WILL lose control, but that takes a heck of a lot of booze.) I have known many people that ALWAYS went off the deep end while drinking, but I believe that is because of some appetite for oblivion more than their inability to handle their booze.

To put it in context, Friday was my first night out since I moved back to America. I was going to see some very old friends and my brother, none of whom I had seen in a long time. I was keyed up and ready to rock and roll before any alcohol had touched my lips. It was bound to be a crazy night, despite NY's early closing times. And sure enough, that's what happened.

This would come off as straight rationalization if it wasn't for the fact that I rarely think about this stuff because I rarely go out like that. My nights end up all different ways while straight or drunk.

The next thing for me to do is qualify the different types of drunkiness. I need more than two extremes to make this theory really fly.

Fuck All This comics

i started writing a comic strip. it's pretty primitive, and filled with dumb and somewhat obscure references, but it's never too early to pimp your shit. you can find them at www.squadone.com. click the links below the big picture to read them.

ODB died today.

got one

so my search ended where it began, with sakura house. this place seems to be a good first stop for foreignors trying to move to tokyo on their own. the deposit was cheap as shit, all utilities are included, and i have a private garden. it looks more like a little mud patch, but it's mine. the place is near nakameguro, which is close to shibuya and shimokitazawa. it's also a short ride to shinjuku, where i will probably end up working.

i was close to using openspace, but the deposits were bigger and utilities extra. i figure it will be enough of a pain setting up shop in tokyo without having to deal with utility companies. however, openspace had some damn nice spots. keep in mind that a good portion of their apartments are not short term and require key money, which you don't get back.

nord house had a few somewhat promising descriptions, but they never responded to my emails, so i wrote them off pretty quickly. the site also lacked pictures and floor plans.

this place might be called wave station and has some really nice sounding properties. unfortunately, they didn't respond and were a bit more expensive than sakura house. however, if i end up with a high-paying job i will probably hit them up. their site is decently designed and professional looking, but some of the english is truly baffling. check it:

It is not the present thing. It is a thing at the updating time. Please contact us to the address of the detailed page about unstated things.

hmmmm....

jafnet had some places that looked really good, but the deposits were larger and rents generally higher. some required longer stays, also.

at first i thought kimi would be a good resource. unfortunately, most of their apartments requires two year (or more) leases. unless you're willing to completely burn a bridge and lose a huge deposit when you break the lease, which you will, i would look somewhere more escape friendly.

we'll see how the sakura house apartment works out when i get there 11.25. i have heard mixed reviews of sakura house. that doesn't bother me, but i will be looking for things to complain about.

tokyo apartment hunt

i am gradually becoming an expert at apartment hunting in tokyo. there are many readily avaialble resources, but most of them list extraordinarily expensive apartments and are generally worthless for average-salaried folks. the exception to this is www.sakura-house.com, which rocks the party. it's no surprise that most of the good ones are taken, but you can find some well priced places if you are willing to live slightly outside of the coolest spots. i will most likely use sakura house because of the low deposits and sheer number of places. i have been talking to the good people at www.openspace.jp also, but they seem to have slightly "fancier" properties.

i have to find a place in the next two weeks, so we will quickly see how it goes. after i actually settle on something i am considering compiling the many sites and rsources i have used and posting them here. you can, of course, use google, but it will take a lot of detailed looking and savvy searching to find some of the goodies. i have been working on the web for a long time and consider myself a pretty capable hunter, as silly as that sounds to some people.

i also might start using ms word and then pasting the text here. i can't type quickly, so i skip the caps. it's not a style thing.

peas.